Yap Yap

We try to reason with our decisions
ourselves we try to compromise with our decisions
with the why we said yes to this 
and said no to this
everything is quiet as it might appear
but our minds are always speaking
probably bullshit about us
we might not reason with anyone 
but late at night man,
you have to reason with yourself just to fall asleep
you can't shut that mouth inside your head
it keeps yapping and yapping
so you must settle,
reason with it
come to an agreement so both can have your way
so it, You, can shut up for a few hours
and do something humanly,
sleep
even if in your dreams you continue the conversation you were having while awake
at least you get to say you were human, 
did something "normal" once a day
sleep and reasoning, you can't have one without the other.
yet sometimes you find yourself with neither.
I just wonder who has both?

you is me

Let me be your lover, 

let me tell you that I love you. 

Correction. 

Let me show you that everything you do is lovely, 

even your insecurities. 

Correction. 

Let me be there every second, 

even in the ones that you are not yourself. 

Correction. 

Let me be there, 

let me see you, 

You, 

just how you are. 

Your pimples on your back and face, 

your freckles on your cheeks 

your swollen face when just woken up. 

Correction. 

Let me be so close to you, 

that I don’t need to see your face

to know that something is wrong, 

but that I am able to feel and hear 

your heart beats trembling, 

fastening, or slowing down and skipping a beat. 

Correction. 

Let me touch your heart 

without me even being there. 

Correction. 

Let our hearts be joined so together 

that I am able to live for you 

and you for me. 

(thought I had published this, this was made 10/25/10, let's take a walk down memory lane, I guess. Hope you enjoy!)

"If the whole universe has no meaning..."

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning. 
C. S. Lewis 
A world without pain would not exist, if there were to be happiness.
A world without darkness would not exist, if there were to be light.
A world without hatred would not exist, if there were to be love.
A world without tears and sadness would not exist, if there was smiles, and happiness.

Be grateful for the worst, and those times you get tired, tired enough to give up and take a step back into the dark. For the hardest it gets, when all is lifted, the lighter and brighter you'll feel. The greater the triumph it will be, and that, no one can take it away from you; the pain, the tiredness, the hurt, and finally the rest, the victory, the happiness. No one. Remember always, the pain is there to make you appreciate the time without it.

-me

Kindly,

I look back tonight
on how many tears I dropped for you
missing you, longing for your breath in my ear
to feel the warmth of your body near mine
But I see now that we adapt, we grow
grow out of it
maybe not completely out of love
but we minimize it
making space for another 
or even for ourselves.

I still think of You.
and how you are doing,
but of course I won't write directly to you,
feel its something we need to leave put for now
But I want you to know that you are still 
important to me
even if it may have appeared otherwise
I am really starting to think it was for the best
You said i was immature,
but i think we both were.
Too much emotion, too much all of a sudden
thought for a second it might have been summer love
but it was bigger than that
otherwise you wouldn't be in my mind still.
I don't think we would've known what to do with each other
in the long run.

I think of You,
You entirely, not your body or how beautiful you are
but You, your essence and our connection
I came to realize it was that, 
our connection that brought us close
that made us a match
we understood each other
and i guess that's why I can safely say
you hold no grudge against me
which I am thankful for
Don't remember if i ever told you,
but thank you
Thank you for being part of my life
I learned a lot from you, as i hope you did from me.
Regardless of time, 
I want to let you know 
you are important
and are thought of kindly 

Summer nights

I still remember our nights
The way I had to hide and lie about where I was going
It was our secret
You and I together
summer nights of fire
steam coming off our bodies
moaning and hushing our lips with kisses
as I slid down
each kiss I marked on your stomach
left traces of wetness down to your inner legs
you wanted to scream
but we had to keep quiet,
your head would sink into the pillow
and your eyes would open up looking up to the sky
you were breathless
you held on to me
tight
it hurt
but I kept going
I wanted you to not forget this night
I wanted to give you a memory you won't forget
a pleasure that you would desire even when I was away
a want your body would desire
I knew you were happy
your body hit an ecstasy point
it kept hitting spasms
each time farther from each other
you calmed down,
your body relaxed
I laid next to you
you were exhausted
dozing off
grabbed your right hand
and kissed it
the night was over
and so was us

John Legend - Tonight (Best You Ever Had) feat. Ludacris

accidentals

And then I realized why I was so mean.
I was mean for the mere reason that I am afraid of getting hurt again.
I am afraid of the person it will construct.
I am mean,
because the pain of having someone next to you day by day
and then having them gone,
not to share the daily pains with you again,
is treacherous.
I am not quite sure I can take that again.
The feeling of being vulnerable, and alone,
and empty are all felt once the person leaves,
not while they are with you.
And so when they leave, you realize...
realize how much they actually meant to you,
realize you were a coward all along,
because you never completely let yourself love another.
It is too painful.
I am afraid of love,
as simple as that.
I thought I loved once,
and wasn't even close
and when we parted
my world came crashing all down leaving me in the dark
Having to find myself, re-invent, re-made myself
and to think that wasn't really love.
What would happen if I let myself completely in the hands of love,
what would happen if we part? If it leaves me?
I recently had a friend from back home
(nyc; I have many homes) come stay with me
It was grand , some truths were spoken,
and one of them were that I was plain; mean.
I didn't take offense for I noticed it was truth.
I started paying attention to everything I said,
and how I truly meant the things I said.
She was right, I am mean.
I am mean because I am afraid.
I may be nice outside,
the sweetest and most charming friend you could find, but
"inside territory" is a whole different ball game.
 I let you inside my house, that's enough
I won't give any more.
I hadn't realized I was this way,
till an outsider(apart from my family) told me.
I can see myself, on my own,
writing and illustrating kids books at a beach house in North Carolina
but I think I would be cutting myself short,
if I didn't have someone intimately to share that with.
That's why what this friend said one day
(on our way to buy a plunger at home depot);
"things always happen for a reason",
what ended up happening was she paid for the plunger,
since I had forgotten my wallet.
I know everything happens,
and for what reason I don't always know,
but the ones that I do get to know,
I cherish them and learn from them.
For there are many things in life that happen
and we have no bloody clue why they happened
neither can we find out.
When you realize things in life,
even the most painful ones, like;
your own family betraying you,
and having the person you loved
and poured your life into the most walk away from you
Pay attention, you might just needed to learn something,
don't be afraid "forever",
know that one day a person, or an experience will confront you
and you'll have to get rid of the pain
that all these years of being frighten has caused you.
I am afraid, but I am able to see it now.
I was able just as a doctor, to cut myself open,
look right at the infection that had made me sick for so many years,
and had the courage to take it out.
It's not easy to see the problem is really you,
not anyone else around you,
and start digging yourself a new heart,
or new eyes, or new hands,
everyone needs something.
Just be wise and be honest to yourself.
Most of all, stop being afraid, it'll get you nowhere.
Mana- En el muelle de San Blas

First Encounter

I met her on a November day, I was working as a painter at a hotel. I came to the Front Desk to ask for the keys to open up the maintenance room. I remember seeing her blonde sunny hair rise up with her stature, she looked as if saying: "what? what do you want?". I asked shyly, "maintenance keys?" She stood up now completely, and she was the statue of liberty to me; glancing down at everyone, beautiful and tall, I was taken by her freshness. I said, again, "the keys for the maintenance room?". She looked down, picked a key chain and gave it to me, I asked, "do you know which key it is?" She now lowered her face, as if  saying: "are you serious?" if she had had glasses, she would've done the move where you bring down your glasses a little and look through the top part, raising an eyebrow. I smiled nervously, "hehe ehh.." She grabbed one, and handed it back to me. I was glad the Front Desk was tall, it hid my embarrassment for how nervous she had made me feel. I walked out quickly, a hot and tingling sensation went across my stomach. Till this day, I have that face photographed in my heart. White skin just as that first drop of snowflakes, eyes 
that had history, pain yet bold and brave, they pierced right through you, and the most caring soft camellia color lips. Don't know her name, she wasn't wearing a name tag, but no name could ever describe the beauty she embraced.
Pretty Eyes- Alex Goot 

Stupid Monkey

I wish I could read what you were thinking
like a script knowing what each scene had to offer
To know what was behind those green eyes
To know how your white-skin reacts to the sound of my voice
But I can never be completely sure, unless I ask you
something that will never happen,
not at least till I am over feeling this way about you
I can only imagine, and 
make assumptions out of the way you act in front of me
I love hugging you, and not because I enjoy being near you
but to let you know that I am above all, a friend to you
will always be here for you
Your friendship is one that I value more than riches
You are loyal, maybe not such a warm person, but
through everything you've gone through you are as close to honey
in sweetness as you could possibly get
I know how hard it is to show affection,
that you care,
since that means opening up,
letting someone see that you actually care about them
and so I thank you for your appreciation
for all those moments you showed me who you are
and how truly big your heart is
You are the best friend I could ever ask for
and sorry that sometimes I fall in love with who you are
But you my friend are one of a kind
one that I will never get to re-live, or meet again
and for that I value you more than life

irmã, meu amor

How do I tell you we have nothing in common,

not anymore at least.

How do I tell myself that we no longer are connected?

How do I process this break-up without it ever being one?

you are somewhere else right now, 

we're both in two different places, wanting different things

How can I be close to you, how can we be as we use to, if...

You can't share things with me as you use to

It's not that there's no trust, 

It's just there's too much of it,

and we're honest enough to see it

see that we no longer have anything in common other than we're family

I remember our childhood, and my heart jumps of joy

then sinks down again as a wave colliding down unto the sand

realizing that those were past memories, no longer are we there

but we're here.

Here where you have your own life, and I have mine.

There's this imaginary line that none of us made, 

but it's there

we don't name it, or call it as it is, but we know its there

You are my sister, and always will be

I am hoping that life gives us a second chance,

and that we will once again have things in common to share as we use to,

to bring back our relationship afloat.

but that's just me hoping...

I may be strong but Jesus do I overthink, making my decisions weak.

You were my mediator, you were curt, you were the ice-breaker

oh how i wish to have you back,

that person that would tell me everything with complete trust.

I lost you and I don't even know when,

I think we both lost ourselves in the process of "growing-up" 

and it wouldn't be fair for me to stand and judge how you are growing,

both of our processes are different, and I only hope that they work.

I hope that you have the strength to dig deep inside you, 

and pull that person that I met in my childhood

Oh, I wish you the best,

yes I do

I wish you all good things.

The Weepies- All Good Things 

You are love, my love.

You made my heart beat again

You made it red, thumping once again

soaking it in a puddle full of blood
puddle of love, I call it.

Spider webs torn out,

all infections out.

You raised me to life,

you awaked my heart to beat again.
My heart moves to a constant sound now,

the sound of your sweet voice

echoing from the outside, till it reaches inside me

You brought me back to life,

you showed me what living really is.

I love you, oh so much.

You loved me, when I didn't love you.

You loved me, when I pushed you away.

You loved me.
That's the reason I am alive.
My heart beats once again,

and it's all because of you.
You,

alone,

were the answer I was looking for; love. 

Ni Эль Гато себе enterara

Проснитесь!Свяжитесь с реальностью и плакать очистить ваши головыпринимать свежий воздухВы находитесь в этом, хотите ли вы этого или нетуничтожение идетнезависимо от того, что вы делаетеона придетон начнет на окраинеи в скором времени будет распространяться как болезнь затрагивает все государства окружающих васприбывать в вашем домепринимаете вы и ваши близкие заложниковпросыпаюсь, я говорю!Плачь, как молодую девицу, одетый в черное,скорбит о потере своего женихаВы будете думать,, что вы пошли дальтоник;трава потеряет свой зеленый цвет пастбищеДеревья не выдерживают высоких и коричневыйЦветы не будет процветать с добротой и сладких цветовЖивотные не будут следовать в пищевой цепитам будет дезорганизации, где вы смотритеваше имущество будет скучно и пустовсе серое и черноесолнце не будет светить в деньи не будет луны быть вашим спутником на ночьтьма заполнить каждый сантиметр пространстваона будет вторгаться ваш дом, ваш самый частный моментте, что играли дома и куклыделая вид, что так называемые священники и святыете, кто знал "священное слово" внутри и снаружибудут кричать от страха, но их крики достигнет глухие ушидля их указания и просвещениебыли пусты без истинного руководства сверхупросто повторяет свои сердца.просто ошибочной, эгоистичные, высокомерные мысли;только отголоски их сердца.Никто не получает бежать из этого,все увидят это,но мало кто это заметитдля этого будет мглы, словно лучи солнца через окно в утроОн не будет ударил на вашем лице,он не будет гореть и там не будет тревог предупреждаю этойно это будет как раковая опухольрастет внутри вас, мало-помалуне ПЭТ или МРТ будет забрать егоСкоро почти каждый человек будет иметь те же побочные эффектыона будет продолжать расти с никто и ничто остановить егоэто будет нормально, это будет путь, чтобы житьэто будет так, как люди, как мир изменился.Никто не будет просить лечения,его больше не раковая опухольэто просто часть тела человека, это часть нас всех.без вопросов, без вопросов, чтобы ответитьте немногие, что будет говорить и спрашивать, как исправить эту болезнь будет рассматриваться как сумасшедшийотрезан от "сообщества", поставить на "неприкасаемых" списокникто не будет говорить с ними, никто не услышит ихэти несколько нонконформист увидим, как все отмирает тихо вокруг нихи никто не чудеса, когда это было, что наши глаза привыкли к жизни в темноте,Не сердцебиение, поступая с левой груди как кровь, которая текла когда-то горячо внутри нашего телабольше не делает нас живыми. Никто не заметит, чточеловек и свободы являются два слова, которые вымерли. 

--
Чувствовал, чтобы перевести это на русский язык. Понравилась формулировка лучше. Извините за ошибки, я не владеет русским языком, у меня была некоторая помощь переводе это.

Ni el gato se enterara

Wake up!

Get in touch with reality and weep
Clean your heads

take fresh air

you are in this whether you want to or not

destruction is coming

no matter what you do

it will come

it will start in the outskirts

and soon will spread like disease
affecting all the states surrounding you

arriving at your home

taking you and your loved ones hostages

wake up, I say!

Weep like a young virgin dressed in black,

mourning the loss of her fiancé

you will think you have gone color blind;

grass will lose its green pasture color

trees won't stand up tall and brown

flowers won't flourish with kindness and sweet colors

the animals won't follow the food chain

there will disorganization where you look

your property will be dull and empty

everything gray and black

the sun won't shine in the day

neither will the moon be your companion at night

darkness will fill every inch of space

it will invade your house, your most private moment

those that were playing house and dolls

pretending to be so called priests and holy

those who knew the "sacred word" inside and out

will scream from fear

but their cries will reach deaf ears

for their instructions and enlightenment

were all empty with no true guidance from above

just misguided, selfish, supercilious thoughts;

just echoes off their hearts.

No one gets to flee from this,

everyone will see this,

but few will notice it

for this will creep in like the sun's rays through your window in the morning

It won't be slapped upon your face,

it won't burn and there won't be alarms warning you of this

but it will be like a cancerous tumor

growing inside you, little by little

no PET or MRI scans will pick it up

soon almost every person will have the same side-effects

it will continue to grow with no one and nothing stopping it

it will be normal, it will be the way to live

it will be the way people are, the way the world has changed.

No one will ask for a cure,

for its no longer a cancerous tumor

it's just part of the human body, it's part of us all.

no questions asked, no questions to answer

those few that will speak and ask how to fix this disease will be looked at as demented

shut off from the "community", put on the "untouchable" list

no one will speak to them, no one will hear them

these few misfits will see how everyone dies off silently around them

and no one wonders when was it that our eyes got used to living in the dark,

how there's nothing beating in their left breast,

how the blood that once fervently flowed inside our bodies

no longer makes us alive.
No one will notice that

man and freedom are two words

that are extinct. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFLGiM9p9UE The Gift- Javier Alonso

Inspired by Joel

Conocerte es un placer

The soothing feeling of your love pouring down my skin
melts away every possible mindset I might have had of you 
you are showing me who you are
disclosing yourself to me
you are naked in my eyes
proving me wrong of who I thought you were
letting me know that you are different
not who people told me you were
you are unique, in every sense
your honesty and openness 
covers me like 
a warm blanket on an autumn day at the park
your eyes are interlocked with mine
creating this sensation of familiarity but also
a whirlpool of emotions and feelings
wrapped up like two socks in a bun.
I've met you, and I've known about you
but now I am getting to know you.
I am able to feel your heart in my palms,
knowing why it beats.
I have reserved my criticism, 
left aside all understanding, 
opened my mind
and decided to let you into my life.
Even though this just started,
I know I will never regret opening up to You. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RSoDAPbh1s Jesus Culture- I want to know you

Remix

"Everyone more or less believes in God.
But most of us do our best to keep God on the margins of our lives or,
failing that, refashion God to suit our convenience.
One of the bad habits that we pick up early in our lives
is separating things and people into secular and sacred.
We assume that the secular is what we are more or less in charge of:
our jobs, our time, our entertainment, our government, our social relations.
The sacred is what God has charge of: 
worship and the Bible, heaven and hell, church and prayers.
We then contrive to set aside a scared place for God,
designed, we say,
to honor God but really intended to keep God in his place,
leaving us free to have the final say about everything else that goes on. 
God has something to say about every aspect of our lives:
The way we feel and act in the so-called privacy of our hears and homes,
the way we make our money and the way we spend it,
the politics we embrace, the wars we fight,
the catastrophes we endure, the people we hurt and the people we help.
Nothing is hidden from the scrutiny of God, 
nothing exempt from the rule of God, 
nothing escapes the purposes of God." -Eugene H. Peterson



If we only truly gave Him a chance, we would realize things don't have to be the way they are,
there are different results waiting to happen.
To be honest he has opened my eyes to many things I was unaware of,
but that's if we only want to meet Him, 
not what people say, not what people have experienced,
not what people write about Him, but what we discover 
from actually getting to know Him, getting to know the source 
one-on-one.
It's not religion, religion doesn't work. He alone works. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u346phwvmXM Jesus Culture- Walk with me (feat. Kim Walker)

Humans have put price on their own

Trapped and have no one to trust or turn to
that's how you felt

day by day being used as a plastic doll for pleasures
of evil senseless people
you were lost
literally didn't know where you were
mentally and emotionally; you tried blocking everything out

you knew now that this was hell
no one looking at you directly

looking at your breasts, face

turning you around to look at

your ass and legs
and nodding if they liked what they saw

The life you had before is gone and you can never go back to it

it's as if you were taken from that world and put into another

you were beaten,  both for pleasure and discipline
your life consisted of being a hole where scrupulous people

dived their  heartless demons into you
you were trapped in hell, never thought of getting out

tried to escape once; never again

you thought you knew pain
you thought you knew evil
you thought hell didn't exist on earth
you realized you were wrong.
I don't know how to tell you that you can trust me
for life has told you otherwise; trust no one.

I don't know how to tell you that I have a vague idea of happened to you

for all you want to do is forget,

 and I wouldn't dare bring it up so you can relieve it once again
I don't know how to tell you that I think you are beautiful

without maybe triggering a memory you rather not remember
But what I can tell you is that
I admire you
you were able to do something that I thought no one could do

and that's bring me back to life

You alone, a survivor of the most horrible pain anyone could endure

have thought me that life is worth saving

especially if you will live to save others

I was afraid to do what I was born to
Afraid of the consequences,

afraid that I won't have the guts to stand up to these nightmares
that prey on young, ignorant, rebellious, hopeless beings
But I have you to thank for
for giving me life, when I thought there was none
for giving me courage when I lacked

and for giving me hope that one person out of a hundred, is one person less
What I am trying to say is,

Thank you for being alive. 

tatatatatata hey!

I miss the park
I miss the sounds of the water hitting the rocks
I miss the sunsets we would watch
I miss the walks from the train to the park
actually, to the pier
but most of all the assurance i had in it all
the pictures we took in the bench on pride day
how lovely you were dressed 
with that white bandeau bra and jean shorts
the kiss up against the wall you gave me
I keep going to those days underneath the sky
where life was green and beautiful under our eyes
where we laid our bodies and thoughts on my neon-indian blanket
I miss your companionship
your warmth at night
or simply when you saw my mind troubled 
and your hand would clasp mine, as if taking me away from it all 
you were so sweet to me, all the time
trusted me with every thought you had
you spoke, and spoke like there was no tomorrow
I loved that, your thoughts were my tunes
re-sounding all day in my head
I know history repeats itself all the time,
but when it comes to one life; individually, things don't happen the same twice
meaning, we will not happen again
but I rest knowing that one day you will find
that someone to whom your thoughts are their tunes
and they'll stay not wanting ever to change the song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghb6eDopW8I of monsters and men- little talks

thump it goes

Heart pounding in my ears
thump, thump, thump it goes
it won't stop
cigarette in my hand
i am not sure of many things
but i am sure that i am suppose to be living
i am sure that i am suppose to keep going
day by day
that's how the thing goes
you must grow some thick skin to survive
but most of all, 
you must grow a thick skin
to love
and that's why i choose you
I "choose" you 
it's not a matter of feelings, 
or emotions that guide one
it's about choice