Grazie!

Thank you for leaving 
It pushed me to focus on only me for a change.
I've really taken this time to think of everything;
existential crisis some may call it but I call it a blessing to be able to erase everything on the board and start again
To have the privilege to do that.
To say: "this has been working until now...Now I will do different."
I have crawled into the hurt of my childhood to rescue her and love her. 
I thank you for that. You leaving, gave me the bravery but also the space to dig in. 
I know you're doing the same. Healing and re-inventing yourself, 
being You without letting fear stop you.
Proud of you. 
Miles away, but I smile when I think of you. 
Fairy tale dreaming that one day we will meet again, and you will tell me all the stories you are making now
All the acts of bravery you had to do to be who you are. 
The ache of not having my bestie has turned into joy that she's out there killing it and fighting for "Her". 
I never doubted that you would have the life that you wanted
I had just hoped to be part of the metamorphosis
but what really matters here is that you are in the metamorphosis part of your life
and even if you may not see or speak to me, know I am still your number one cheerleader. 
There's no doubt you'll get to where you need to go. 
There's no doubt you'll be person you always dreamed of as a child, fearless and joyful, no hurt. 
Keep going. I believe in you. But most of all, 
thank you for reminding me that I am my own biggest fan.
You choosing yourself made me realize that it's not a bad act of selfish-ness but the biggest act of self love. 
Keep choosing yourself, and so will I. 
I love me, and have for a long time now, but you gave me that nudge to really dig deep and not be afraid to be open about it. 
Thank you and always remember I am proud of you. 

Much Love 

Ta Reine - Angele

Silly Goose

You freckled faced girl
You opened me up without me realizing
You healed me effortlessly
I miss you, every day
but I won't push you nor life itself for you to come back 
You held a mirror in front of me
not for judgement but to love me
To love the essence and the core of "me"
For the mirror you were holding was You.
You and I are the same
which is why I understood and understand your running
You told me our friendship had developed into more for you, 
you grew "feelings" for me
you ... "love me"
"how would all of this work?" you said, 
"aren't you scared?"
With you by my side, no, I was fearless
I knew we would figure this out together,
but when you ran...I was left standing on my own
I see star wars things, mushrooms, dinosaurs, sonic, and I think of you and the little ones
But with every day, I see those things and it hurts less. 
The natural state of you loved me
Parts of me that everyone had found distasteful, 
you found it hilarious, made you laugh, and oh that laugh filled me with such joy.
I knew I loved you, agape love
but when you walked away...
I realized how important and vastly your love was for me. 
How much it meant to me. 
I didn't want to control you, tell you what to do next. 
I loved and love you to the point where I simply want you to be free. 
Even though we did have romantic love for each other, I didn't want to box you in into a romantic anything. 
You made me feel seen like no one else had before. 
It never crossed my mind you would leave.
It was hard for you to express yourself at times, 
find the right words for your feelings but you never had to fully say it
I knew what you meant before you speaking.
I knew your thoughts, I felt you within me, in my mind. 
You knew I got you, I understood and still understand you. 
It's just painful. 
I understand the lesson in all of this, 
We were each other's mirrors. 
A glimpse of how beautiful it is when you open yourself up, let yourself be loved and love another. 
It doesn't have to be only romantic, the love I felt was simply love, no boundaries. 
I felt you caring about me and I know you felt me care about you. 
I understand your need to do this on your own, and I respect that. 
Just know, I'll always have love for you. 
Thank you for what you gave me, for being so raw with me. 
I know it all scared you, you weren't ready to take it step by step and figure out what this all was for us. 
One day you will, with me or another, but most importantly with yourself. Love yourself always, I will do the same. I let you go now. Be free. 

-Love, 
your twin flame. 
The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Best gift

My ex is my ex because she fit the narrative of my childhood;
I am not good enough, I talk too much, I am annoying, I need to do things for her, I need to fight for her attention and love...
but You,
I met you before my ex yet we had never truly known each other
after fourteen years we laid eyes on each other face to face and we felt the same...
home. 
You brought a different narrative, one that no one had brought me.
I had been working on this narrative toward myself;
you are worth it, you are not too much, you are funny, you deserve effortless love.
Your natural essence loved all my parts that had been slashed. 
You loved my wounds, my scars without even knowing
The narrative you gave me was; be yourself, I love it. 
You said,
"you bring joy into my life, you are hilarious, I can be myself with you, I don't have to explain myself to you, you get me. I love starting my day with you" and your eyes told me:
"I love you, this is crazy and scary. Love has always stabbed me, I must run. Aren't you also scared?" 

I was scared, but for you I was staying. For me, I was staying. I deserve an effortless love. You gave me that. Our friendship, our love was effortless for both parties involved. I didn't push or fake anything. I was me with you and that's the best gift you could've given me. Your inner child made my inner child feel loved, seen and worthy enough to go outside and play. Thank you for showing love to little Wanda no matter how short the time was. 

Thank you. I will continue to love Wandita.