NYC

I’ve been missing you lately
thinking about everything that you’ve taught me
about how you made me into a woman.
How you opened my eyes to so many cultures and adventures
how my tongue is not the same after tasting you
how you gave meaning to my thoughts after visiting your brain
how ignorant was I before I met you?
Oh, I could not be more thankful for your rude awakening
it was rough at first,
felt as if I was being punished
the foul smells,
the loud noises,
and the speed walking and talking
it almost felt as if you didn’t care,
but it all changed once I let you in,
once I decided to hear you out before being scared off by your honesty.
You changed me,
forever,
and I will never forget that.
You taught me that home is within me, and yet in all of you
You showed me to sit on a bench and hear you roar  
You showed me your softness,
you caressed my cheek with your poetry
and embraced me with your high expectations for me.
I have left you for now,
but ill be back,
and this time, you’ll get to know me.

La vie en rose - Louis Armstrong

Sane and sensible

Stability.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.
How can you have stability when the world is constantly changing?
Financial stability,
emotional stability,
mental stability,
stability.
What does it mean to be stable?
Some synonyms are; steadiness, firmness, strength, durability, lasting nature, enduring nature...
One definition is: the strength to stand or endure.
So, in all stability really means to stick around, to last.
It doesn’t mean that there won’t be any ups and downs
it doesn’t mean that you won’t have your days were you’re crying your eyes out,
it doesn’t mean that you won’t have days where you are angry at everything,
it doesn’t mean you will be consistent in the “mood” you’re feeling,
it means that even though you will experience many ups and downs,
confusions and mood swings,
you will stay consistent in showing up every day.
In waking up every morning no matter how you’re feeling.
Stability for me now, means to be alive.
I used to think it was someone that had their “shit together”,
meaning: a good paying job, or had your business,
someone who wouldn’t have days of torment;
where you wouldn’t know who you were,
or you would simply wake up angry that day for no apparent reason,
where you would cry and just be confused about where you are in life.
I understand now, that stability is going through all the stuff that life throws at you, but
“being stable” in the sense that you’re still here, you still show up to live,
and that my friend is the most outstanding sign of stability.
Everyone is on their way to being better, every day
some days you see the results more than others but that doesn’t mean that you’re not stable
It doesn’t mean that you’re not advancing,  
it simply means its life, and you’re living it.
Stick with it, stick around and you’ll see the results get better and better.
Thank you for listening,
Stay stable.

Do good always, no matter the result

Sun rays coming through the crevices
body aches
I take a breath and cough instead
letting dirt disperse
mouth is dry
I put my hands in front of me to stand up
I can feel my hair sticky and heavy
I shake my head like a dog drying off
sand falls creating a mini sandstorm
I’m on my feet looking up
sun is standing right above me
I am guessing it’s 12 then
look at my hands there’s on blood on them
memory is kicking in about last night
what silly things did I do?
I tried to mind my own business but couldn’t
Saw this girl being harassed
had to step in
except now I’m all stepped on
in the middle of the desert, exactly where? I don’t know
head is pounding
no water in sight
at least I have clothes on
A bird is flying above me
trying to see what type but the sun is blinding
and next thing I know
bird poop lands on my face and back
Life is like that sometimes
you do something good for someone
And you get shit on
No worries, this guy made it out alive
you will too. 

Billie Eilish - lovely (with Khalid)

Son esas cosas

Es ese periodo donde uno se siente atorado, atascado en la vida
pero en realidad este momento y otros como ellos son los momentos más bonitos que tenemos
Es el proceso, son los momentos donde nadie ve nada de progreso pero es porque está debajo de la tierra creciendo poquito a poquito
Todavía no hay una planta o una hoja verde mostrándose por ahí
pero lo abra
Hay algo hermoso que sucede cuando uno no se da por vencido por la rutina
la rutina puede ser hermosa pero es tediosa y confunde a veces
la cosa es que uno tiene que saber que la misma rutina no es para siempre
siempre abran rutinas, pero las rutinas cambian
y se convierten cada vez más en lo que nosotros queremos
El universo hace espacio para aquellos que no se dan por vencidos
Eso es algo que yo creo muy profundo,
lo repito: el universo hace espacio para aquellos que no se dan por vencidos.
El universo respeta la labor de uno
no va a pasar rápidamente pero siempre recorda que lo que tenes adentro,
lo que late y arde fuertemente en tu corazón,
es algo que podés lograr,
no está ahí para hacerte la vida cuadritos,
pero esta ahí para que te esfuerces,
y te lije a hacer la persona que tenes que ser.
Respétate y amate lo suficiente para ir detrás de lo que tu corazón late.
Esa realidad que te imaginas en esos momentos donde respiras profundo
Lo podés lograr, lo vas a lograr
Yo creo en vos,
yo sé que podes
Seguí en la rutina que lo vas a lograr querida creatura
Vas a mirarte un día al espejo y vas a sonreír mirando todo lo que haz construido
Haz construido esa vida que siempre quisiste
Mantenete en la rutina que un día, un día vas a llegar
Besos cariñosos

Mac DeMarco - Let my baby stay

Samurai

I was impacted by you at first sight,
just like a samurai sword,
you came out of nowhere, silently without notice, you were inside of me.
A Katana you were
cutting through all my senses
physically, emotionally and mentally.
Thought it was romantic to be bleeding for you,
to be dedicated to you,
to have enough discipline to learn how you work.
It takes practice to master something,
and I thought with time I would learn all your curvatures,
I would learn how to hold you,
how to treat you,
how to handle you,
how to make us work,
but I was wrong.
You had cut through me the first time you walked into my life,
what would make me think that you would be able to fix the damage you did?
What would make me think that you could turn into a first aid kit
and soak up this bleeding heart you had left?
You are a Katana, and maybe I thought if you rested inside of the hole you had dug,
maybe just maybe the bleeding would stop,
But you’re a tease.
Without the want or commitment of staying inside to stop the bleeding.
Digging in deep, moving the blade side to side, taking it out, and repeat
This needs to end, my body is strong, but not that strong.
I need to patch this hole you’ve made and left unattended
I love you,
but have to love myself first.
Maybe one day when you’re ready,
you come back and look for me,
but I won’t hold you to it.
I need to move on with my life,
need someone that will love me and not be afraid to do so,
someone that sees my worth,
that I am valuable
And not just someone you can tease and never really fulfill.
Katana, single-edged blade
that’s who you are
you walk through life cutting those that love you without hurting yourself,
using the blade for others, leaving you unharmed.
I hope one day you will put that blade down and let someone love you.
I hope next time you recognize what true love looks like,
and I hope you’re brave enough to drop everything and embrace it.
Love you dearly my love,
wish you the best.

Etta James - I'd Rather Go Blind

Luck so far

Don't you ever wonder when is the person that you fall for going to feel the same way about you?
I've had no luck so far.
After loving someone so deeply, where do you go from there?
how could you just start dating someone that you don't love?
It's not fair to them and neither to you.
You know that you still love someone else,
how could you go from loving someone,
to just being in a relationship?
to just giving that person a try...
I can't seem to do it.
If I don't love you,
I am not pursuing you.
I can't look at you in the face and be genuine.
I am a flirt at times,
and that's because everyone needs some loving.
It may not be the real love,
but it's a temporary fix.
I don't do temporary fixes with dating people.
There is so much falseness everywhere,
I don't want to to be fake about my feelings.
I don't want to confuse either.
I just want someone to say, "oh hey! I feel the same about you"
and let a wonderful friendship/relationship develop.

July 29th 2018

Puddle on pavement

I think about how we met
about how I didn't pick this
about how my life would be different if the universe hadn't decided to make me love you
how different would it be?
I could probably take walks down the pier and not think of you
I could probably see donuts just as any other food,
but instead I think of you.
I think about how you worked your way up as a climbing plant into all my crevices,
And then covered my whole heart.
I think of how my life would be different without loving you so much.
How I want to ask you again if you feel anything for me,
because I feel that you do,
but I also feel that it's unnatural to you, and don't know how to ever cross that line.
To me,
I just fell for you,
and not in the delicate way a feather may fall to the ground,
but in the way of how you're walking on a sidewalk,
there's a step down and there's a puddle, which you don't see yet
you don't look down to see that your shoelaces are untied
you step on your shoelace and fall forward
landing perfectly with the whole front part of your body to the ground
not only getting soaked but getting hurt by the hard pavement
It may not be as romantic as you'd thought,
but as wonderful as it may be falling into air,
the landing,
the landing always gets to you,
and I've landed finally,
and realized that I need to ask you once again,
and I deserve a straight response this time.
Thing is,
I love you.
I love you whole,
wholeheartedly,
not just part of you,
but all of you.
If I can't have you that's fine,
I will cope with that,
because what I truly want is for you to be happy,
even if it means not being with me.
All I want from you is the truth,
which you may give me, and which you may not. 

July 29th 2018

We are ...

We are selfish all the time,
or at least the majority of the time.
There are only a few times that life introduces us to these special beings,
that we wouldn’t mind given up our time to be with them.
But even then, we’re still being selfish, because we want to spend time with these individuals
Where am I going with this? Love is “not selfish” but yet very selfish at the same time.
I believe with my core that we don’t pick who we fall for, it just happens.
Without notice, without warning, bleep, you’re in love.
It sincerely sucks, yet it’s amazing.
It sucks when it’s not reciprocated yet imagine when it is,
must be one of the scariest, overwhelming, beautiful experiences.
To love is to trust,
and how many individuals can you say you really trust?
Trust is not something that comes easily, it is worked on continuously
Love is the same.
Love to some may be automatic, in an instant you know you love this person,
but for love to stay,
it has to be worked on,
not by one person but by both.
In all, each day I believe that what Bob Marley said:
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you.
You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
Becomes more of a reality as times goes on.
To love someone is to also forgive,
but what’s your pain threshold?
Are they worth it?
There needs to be a balance, suffering, pain, happiness, joy
they are all mixed together.
Love is a tornado of emotions and experiences
there are times you’ll be inside the eye and everything will be peaceful and calm
but there are times where you are stuck with the gusts.
Point is, we’re fucked
...
but we'll survive.

California Waiting - Kings of Leon

Quedate

Stay with me my little child
Stay with me a little longer
Sit next to me and let’s talk
Let’s chat about how much you’re growing
You are an adult now,
but the kid inside you is finally coming out
Who you truly are and have always been,
is finally taking over
I can see how beautifully you are developing
Just as a photograph in the darkroom
You’ve gone through a process
and now with just the right amount of light
You are seeing a clearer image of yourself
You’re starting to realize how beautiful you are
How charming and witty, full of life you are
You are gorgeous my darling and this is just the beginning
You wonder at times what it would be to truly be yourself
without watching your back
or without having those thoughts
that you’re not the beautiful person I’ve always seen
You’re finally giving yourself a chance
and let me tell you, nothing makes me happier but to see you this way
you are the sun and the moon to my day
basically your happiness is my life
it is the reason I still smile and laugh
My child, you are everything to me
for I am you
and I am so darn happy that you’re finally looking at yourself in the mirror
and liking what you see
that when you see your reflection you smile
and inside you feel warmth
I love you my dear child,
you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to come around
I love you beautiful,
grab my hand and don’t let go,
this is just the beginning



Don & Anna

Questions

Who is truly free?
Do we even know what freedom is?
Is it truly being able to think and act on your own accord and not be judged for it?
Have we ever been free to begin with?

It's cold

How do you keep going? When everything is against you?

How do you keep going when your future is not certain?

How can you plan for something certain, if you don’t know where you will be in a few months?

How do you control your life, when it’s currently being controlled by outer situations

Situations that are out of your control
How do you keep going when everything looks so dark

How do you see something differently when everything in front of you points to something else

I wrote the next quote a while ago and I guess it’s the answer to this:
“But what else are we here for? But to lend a hand, an encouraging word, to give hope.”

In reality, we must keep going because otherwise, it’s just going back or staying in place,
Which isn’t that the same thing as going back?
There’s no other choice but to keep going. You can’t just give up,
You can’t just let the uncertainty stop you

Stop you from dreaming on
Stop you from believing in yourself

Stop you from wanting to be free to live
Sometimes you wonder though,
How long will it be? How long will I keep swimming against the current?
Can’t answer that but I know that life must keep going,

Don’t give up. Just keep going.