Calavera

I stopped writing for a while,
because I wanted to heal. 
I also didn't begin writing what I was healing from,
because I didn't how to
I didn't know the reason why then,
but now I do. 
After months of wondering why I wouldn't write,
why there was that feeling of guilt
and sadness all mixed in one. 
It finally came to me yesterday,
the answer as to why I wasn't writing
It wasn't that I had a "writer's block" 
It was that my writing before came from a place I was no longer at
From someone that I wasn't anymore,
someone that I had tried to leave behind.
When I would try to write,
it brought back the memories of
how insecure I was,
I didn't have an identity,
I went with people's reaction toward me,
their opinions about me mattered the most than
my own voice inside my head.
I wrote from a sad, scared, and hurtful place
I didn't want to go back to that.
It was as if every time I would sit down
and start to write I would have to get into this nostalgic type of mood.
That's how I used to write before, from a place of sadness. 
I didn't know how to write without going into that trance
I am now starting to get the hold of writing out of a good place
not writing to escape who I was,
not writing to become someone else 
but writing because I've learned a couple of things
and want to share them
because I am happy where I am at.
Because your emotions inside you
can't define how you're feeling.
YOU decide how you feel.
You also decide
what you say and what you write.
I only wish to write from a deep, beautiful place inside of me,
that will start glooming more and more showing it's
precious fruits as time passes by.
It's okay to change, don't worry
if your friends change,
there are seasons to life,
and don't ever hold a grudge for it will only be you that's holding on to it,
while others live peacefully.
Take care of yourself friend.
Don't hate.
But most importantly don't direct hate towards yourself.
You deserve respect.
Make sure you start preaching it to yourself before you ask of others.
Bon appétit! 
Yes, I am eating again, I love food. Might actually become a chef ladies 
and gents. Will update on that.


Be YOUrself
Juan Luis Guerra- Caribbean Blues