Destruction

When things fall they create currents.
Waves that take you away from
where you were.
They push you,
creating a wall between
who you were
and who you are now.

No other I will find

"There ain't no other I will find
You are eternally on my mind
A thousand stars see how they shine
I see your face when I see mine
I think you are extra specially designed"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miPw1rpe9Rk&feature=youtube_gdata_player -made for each other by Emilie Mover

Happy birthday. CNW.

You have beautiful teeth. 

Smile on your day. 

If you hadn't found this yet...
Present: http://keepcalmandlovegiraffes.tumblr.com/ 

Pain is beauty

For so many nights did I feel the stabbing cutting edge of pain

endless nights

months without a single day of peace

a cloud of unhappiness and guilt

over me

all the hours of the day

so much was the pressure I felt

that I looked up

looked up to see if there was really a gray cloud hanging just above me.

Months of crying myself to sleep

the crying that's full of pain

making your body ache

curving all of you into the fetal position

crying till you felt like throwing up

falling asleep sometimes on the toilet seat

just as if I was drunk of pain.

Pain is beautiful, I still say

contrary of what people have defined beautiful to be

pain IS beautiful

there is no emotion like it

when you've made your peace with pain

it makes you realize

that you are happy

or at least the contrary of pain

pain makes you unafraid in many ways

but it also gives you caution

for "next time", be mindful!

its not just you that you are affecting.

So many months did I spent living this way

hiding my pain

only letting it flourish at night

I couldn't cry in public, no one knew

didn't want anyone to know

It was the first secret only myself knew and no one else

I smiled and said "I am happy" (felt bad lying)

till I reached to a point

where sitting on the train one day

a lady in front of me was enjoying the music she was listening to so beautifully, 

she teared and when she opened her eyes

her gaze went right through me

and the tears started to roll down my cheeks

she got off the next stop

and I put my headphones on

and was able to enjoy for the first time in a long time

"something"

this time it was music

this lead me to be thankful.

I was alive

I was walking

and now as I was dancing of joy in the train station

(no one cared and neither did I)

I sang and let everything out

I was ready to let this pain go

I was ready to let myself go

and make a new me

and I did.

Decision was everything,

it turned the page for me

it wasn't easy and it is still not easy,

sometimes the pain and guilt wants to creep in again

and yes, I've cried many times after this beautiful dance

of freedom that I had

but I am better, and know that I need to be better.

With pain, I've learned that it's a daily thing

I refuse to take medicines for depression or whatever else

they want to prescribe

I've found something that works

and it works better than any medicine

I don't want to be dull

I want to feel.

Pain is leaving now,

making room for happiness

letting me know that

life has all seasons

and whatever was one day, will leave

and bring something better the next.

Just know,

Life is worth living...

with all its seasons. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs By your side- Tenth Avenue North 

Moon and You

All along I've thought I was the moon

and you were a giraffe

I was right.

You kept saying "I love you"

You were up high in the trees eating your veggies

I couldn't hear you

taller than all of us around you

with your long neck and spotted spots on your silky smooth skin

you walked and teased with those long and fine legs of yours

I would whisper, and hum you tunes from my heart

and you would hear every beat of them

you always stood up tall

enhancing that long, long neck of yours

listening to the sounds my heart would make

problem was,

I was the moon.

As the long, peaceful and breezy night died off

skies got lighter

making our moment less private and secret

we got closer

and you took the high risk of injury

by lowering your neck towards me,

to find me

to not let me go

but as the warm light of the sun peaked in

I was no longer there

and you were no longer standing tall and firm

but down on the ground searching for me

wondering if the earth had swallowed me in

wondering, how did we get so close

and now you are gone?

where are you, you said...

while all along I was turned around to face another world

 was left out of yours

and you were left all alone

without me

without the tunes of my heart

without even, a simple good-bye

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFTvbcNhEgc "Big Jet Plane" - Angus and Julia Stone
http://keepcalmandlovegiraffes.tumblr.com/ 

Mountain fog

I've spent so much time being afraid
afraid of it all
little things here and there
in the end 
the list was immense
so big,
that i hid
went into a cave
thinking, here "I am safe"
no one will find me here
I'll live, just not outside 
where people can see me
where they can truly see all of me
It has been so long since I've been out,
the afternoon sun hurts my eyes
my body got used to dim lights
lights that didn't change me
lights that didn't heat up my body
at being in the presence of it
nor did they change my skin color
I've hiding for too long
yes, my body got used to the cave
being protected by these walls 
I've built up
but its time to get out
get out of this somber state
it'll be shocking and perhaps painful at first
but my skin needs a little color and warmth
the cave was home to me
but now that I've been outside
i don't want to go back in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGPgGTPod6w 

Plumb- Beautiful history 

precipice

I wonder what made artists write those songs

that are able to touch you to the bone

like they are inside you, going through what you are going through.

I've always found music so touching

the instruments by themselves, can just play along with emotions

nothing has to be said for me to feel what the song is saying

the cellos and violins and the rallentando part of the song

where everything slows down and you feel as if you are drowning down with their music

as if you are jumping off a cliff and diving down with the silence of the song

just as your hands are touching the water, opening a path for you to enter in

the music goes loud and refreshes you like cold water

creating goose bumps and shivers on your skin

find music that makes you feel that way

don't stop till you find "that" music, that song

that changes you

that soothes that pain

the vaseline to those wounds

you are not living till you find this tune

dive in, hang on, you'll find it 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaeaayqrzS4

Oh, life

green lights
yellow lights
red lights
stop signs
green street signs with white font
roads with endless trees on their sides
wheels going back-and-forth,
back-and-forth
speed limit 40-45
your humming voice 
in my head during my 10 long hours shift
nights with no clouds blocking the 
bright white moon from shining 
and sunrises that should be your screen saver
All this, you might say
is beautiful 
yet i feel numb to it all
I should smile bigger
say good morning to every neighbor 
walking their dog at night and/or morning
I should appreciate it more
and I will, just not now
day by day
day by day
I'll regain strength 
and beauty and love
will grow inside me 
for this time,
the seed is planted in good soil 

Legs and feet

I am

paralyzed from the waist down

I no longer feel the coldness of the water

in my feet

or the dirt between my toes

as much as I loved it

I am no longer able to stand

I am no longer able to think for myself

I am no longer free to act

this all happened when

I stopped worrying about me

My legs had been cut out from under me

and I hadn't noticed

hadn't noticed that all this time

I hadn't taken one single step

by myself

I was handicapped,

till now.

I now see who I was

someone without heart and valor to fight

to fight for her own legs

to fight so that I may stand up

and walk

walk toward "my" life

A life that I will be able to build

with my own hands, and feet

Open heart

I am now leaving NYC
Yesterday, I had to decide for the third time
If I wanted to do this or not.
To live
To not run away
leaving people knowing nothing
of my whereabouts
My lord you always come to my rescue
I left a note on your door saying
Sorry and goodbye
I expected you to email me,
Or text me
Nothing...
Instead you wrote "let me live"
On your instagram.
It hurt me, to see that
You have moved on,
But truly happy because
You are over me.
Yesterday, I had to decide for the third time
I don't just want to live
I want to live being my best
Tired of me,
Of me always bringing myself down
Tired of being such a coward
Tired of it man.
If I don't do this, no one else will.
I will always love you,
Love who I was with you,
Love us,
But I need to move on.
I need to do the "impossible"
Good-bye my dearest friend.
All good things I keep from you,
Hope you do the same.
All great things beloved,
All great things to you.
Thank you for all the good seeds
You planted on me,
I can only hope I did the same.

Confidence

Walking, walking, walking
I still see you
Walking, walking, walking
I can still hear you
Walking, walking, walking
I remember reading to you
Walking, walking, walking
I think back and smile
Walking, walking, walking
I still carry you with me
Walking, walking, walking
I smile because you are smart
Walking, walking, walking
I know we'll be ok
I know you'll find happiness
Walking, walking, walking
Walking, walking, walking
I go.

I am sorry.
For all the hurt i did.
To you.

Drivers needed.

I think the greatest fear of us all is to see
When we see,
we put ourselves in positions for others to see us
Just as a car driver sees the passenger through his mirror
The passenger is able to see the driver
When we see, rather, when we decide to see
We become drivers
Looking behind to the passengers.
These passengers look to us for guidance
To where they're headed,
After all we are the drivers.
Its not easy to see,
For there aren't many to learn from
Majority are passengers waiting for the taxi to arrive.
Exhaustion will occur and patience will run out
But just as these happen,
Strength and grace will shine out daily with the rise of the sun.

"No matter our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be burn." -Dale Turner

Wave

Caressing the music keys on the piano
She moves her white, elongated fingers
Up and down
As if they were legs going up and down the stairs
She joins both her eyebrows as if frowning
But she's getting her body tight
Just as violin strings
Sensitive to each note
Her body exhales and inhales
With the bass soft low cello sound
Rocking back and forth
As a crazy person in a straight jacket
She finds the beat
Violins and an accordion is playing now
She is no longer caressing the music keys
But is now inciting, provoking
The music to take the lead
Her shoulders go up as noting the climax
And just like a wave she surrenders
To the flow of the instruments
All slowing down for the finale,
creating an ocean foam
Joining audience, instruments, musicians and music all together.
They are one.
Finito!

Stairs

I know of a solace place
A place where i go to find peace
There's no noise, there's no screaming
But only the noise of silence
I walk these roads
As if they were made out of eggshells
Cautious, of anything i can harm
Cautious of hurting any spirits
I am alone in this place
Not because there aren't people
Around me but
Because this is me, and in me
There could only be the real me
Not anyone else but me
Its not an easy place this one
I've chosen
But i don't want anything else from life
I know many don't understand
Maybe they never will
but i don't care
I don't have to be understood
All i truly want and desire
Is for them to choose this place of mine
Its a place where silence reigns
And all that's there is your reflection