Stoop

I wish I could tell you why I disappeared from your life,
I wish I could tell you that even though we don’t talk every day, or even every several months
I still see things and think “Oh, she would love that”
I still remember that day you told me in my stoop:
“everyone always leaves, they end up walking away from my life”
and I promised to never leave you.
You may feel as if though I have left you,
because I am no longer a constant person in your life,
but I have never left you.
I am here,
if you ever needed me, I am there in a heartbeat.
I couldn’t breathe and be next to you while
you were with another.
It was too painful.
Only hearing your voice would awaken this love inside of me,
that has never really mellowed down.
I hear your name, or something you would like and I am there again,
as if we just met, and the rushing of all my feelings come thru my veins.

I heard your voice this morning,
I played one of your songs, and it took me elsewhere
I was laying in my couch, with this calming energy going through my body
it was as if I had put a record on,
because the sound of it was so magical and ancient
it felt as if I blew dust off it and it created this other universe where
you and I lived as one.

The Greenery

It's dark out
don’t think the moon is out,
but wouldn’t know for sure since these buildings are blocking half the sky
As I walk, I hear the trickling of the rain touching the pavement
and see my breath being drawn like little clouds in front of me.
As it departs from my face, it goes out dancing with the cold breeze
My nails are purple, I rub my hands together creating warmth
but it’s like rubbing two ice cubes together,
all I get is water running down my palms
No umbrella, just my leather hooded jacket
I continue unto 57^th ave and Lex
Where I will indulge in my favorite chocolate chip croissant
with the best Colombian coffee out there
The coffee doesn’t only warm my lungs as it travels down my esophagus
but it fills me with life knowing something so beautiful can be created
I continue three blocks down and three to the left
It's not because of The Plaza that I notice I have finally hit the biggest greenery in the city
but because the air welcomed me with its pureness
I see a couple walking together, and a few runners that don’t mind their sneakers being wet
Aside from that, Central Park is as alone as I am
A few people here and there but in the end it’s empty
I heard someone say one day:
“…we're all lonely. And all life is, is just trying not to be…”
and today out of all days that resonates with me
Makes you think, no?
How that could be one hundred percent true,
because sometimes even when you have a partner you still feel alone.
Is that sad? I wouldn’t be able to answer that for you,
all I am certain of is that, that is life.
As we continue to move forward in life,
toward the greenery,
toward the place where we are going to get rest and breathe in fresh air,
we will encounter rain and storms and sometimes we won’t be able to see the moon to guide us,
but know that even if you get to where you need to get and find yourself alone,
walking on your own path with no one by your side,
it's better than deciding to stay at home and
never experiencing your joints hurting from the freezing cold,
or having to wipe down your face from the rain hitting it.
Life is better experienced, and being “alone” is not really being alone.
No one is ever alone,
place your palm on your left side of the chest,
do you feel that beat?
That’s you,
you are enough.
Keep walking,
who knows? maybe we meet in the greenery. 

Red scarf

I met you on a late autumn afternoon
Wind was blowing
Coloring the streets magenta with the leaves that had fallen off the trees
You were wearing that red scarf of yours that make your beautiful eyes pop
Your jet black hair was silky and smooth dancing with the breeze
The bangs on your forehead
like piano keys created this tune that serenaded me to you
You turned
and your eyes made contact with mine.
Our hearts became magnets
and like a lasso,
pulled us toward each other.
You smiled at me and I have never felt so whole
On cold days like today, your red little scarf still warms my heart

Abuelito

I still remember the day I left you...
It was a cold day, I had my checkered black and white scarf
with the blue suit jacket looking all business ready to travel away
I hugged that thin and fragile body of yours
Your steps small yet quick toward me
I tried not to cry and hold it in but I failed
My tears were falling down my cheek unto the dry dirt road
It was good bye.
At the moment I thought that may be the last time I saw you alive,
the last time I got to touch the back of your neck as I hugged you,
and see those gray hairs you still have in your head.
I wasn't only saying good bye and see you later,
I was saying bye forever.
You are now over eighty, yet you still bike every day
and go out there into the world and hustle.
It's been over two years since I've seen you,
since I have been able to hear your steps walk to me,
since I have smelled your non-pungent cologne
You cried that day as well but only when you saw me break down
You held me and said "No mija, no llore"
Do not cry,
you need to go and live your life,
you "need" to go and leave your mark in this life,
go work hard, fight for what you want,
fight for your life, and do not cry for me,
do not get sad for leaving,
leaving is just part of life,
and I couldn't be happier and prouder of you right now
"No llore mija" while grasping my face and kissing my wet salty cheeks
Grandpa,
you are my greatest inspiration.
I am forever proud to be carrying your last name,
my father learned a lot from you,
and I from both of you.
Thank you for always being supportive,
thank you for being such a fighter,
for looking better than some twenty year old's,
shit you even have abs, I am not even in that good of shape.
You are a wonderful man,
and I treasure you daily.
Every time I call you, I remind you that you are my greatest inspiration,
that I love you and I wouldn't be who I am now if it wasn't for you.
One day I will reach my goals, I promise you.
Te amo abuelito,
tu nieta "guarda"

Tom Misch - You're On My Mind [Audio]

One of these days

And every day you pick yourself up
You go through these motions
Where at times you're happy 
And at times you're not
Tonight is one of those nights when you're not
Where you're alone and wonder when will I get there? 
Will it all be worth it? 
Will respecting myself and not settling for less worth it?
Will I make it? 
Am I respecting myself or am I just too picky? 
Are my goals too high? 
But then I take a breath and remember...
You can do this
Lonely nights are part of the deal of wanting something more than just a normal life
Being alone builds character
Respecting yourself protects and makes your dreams
And remember 
It is worth it.