Calavera

I stopped writing for a while,
because I wanted to heal. 
I also didn't begin writing what I was healing from,
because I didn't how to
I didn't know the reason why then,
but now I do. 
After months of wondering why I wouldn't write,
why there was that feeling of guilt
and sadness all mixed in one. 
It finally came to me yesterday,
the answer as to why I wasn't writing
It wasn't that I had a "writer's block" 
It was that my writing before came from a place I was no longer at
From someone that I wasn't anymore,
someone that I had tried to leave behind.
When I would try to write,
it brought back the memories of
how insecure I was,
I didn't have an identity,
I went with people's reaction toward me,
their opinions about me mattered the most than
my own voice inside my head.
I wrote from a sad, scared, and hurtful place
I didn't want to go back to that.
It was as if every time I would sit down
and start to write I would have to get into this nostalgic type of mood.
That's how I used to write before, from a place of sadness. 
I didn't know how to write without going into that trance
I am now starting to get the hold of writing out of a good place
not writing to escape who I was,
not writing to become someone else 
but writing because I've learned a couple of things
and want to share them
because I am happy where I am at.
Because your emotions inside you
can't define how you're feeling.
YOU decide how you feel.
You also decide
what you say and what you write.
I only wish to write from a deep, beautiful place inside of me,
that will start glooming more and more showing it's
precious fruits as time passes by.
It's okay to change, don't worry
if your friends change,
there are seasons to life,
and don't ever hold a grudge for it will only be you that's holding on to it,
while others live peacefully.
Take care of yourself friend.
Don't hate.
But most importantly don't direct hate towards yourself.
You deserve respect.
Make sure you start preaching it to yourself before you ask of others.
Bon appétit! 
Yes, I am eating again, I love food. Might actually become a chef ladies 
and gents. Will update on that.


Be YOUrself
Juan Luis Guerra- Caribbean Blues

CAPITAN, usted es muy guapo

With experience comes wisdom

Meaning with the years hopefully wisdom will smack you across the face.

I've always liked speaking with older people,
not necessarily in their 70's type of older,
but older than myself.

Reason, I've always found that they were very truthful,
at least when speaking with you, (not toward themselves)
about the things they would have done, and not done.
The majority of the time though,
I saw how they regretted not believing in themselves.
Not taking a chance.

I've noticed now, with more years under my belt,
that that saying: "to love others you must first love yourself"

made sense now.
I always thought I loved myself.
I guess I was blind

In some ways I did, but not entirely.  

People always say I am weird and they might never stop

BUT what's wrong with it?
Maybe that it's a label,
okay, yeah I don't like labels either.
But if they call you what they want,
let them,
embrace it

Don't shy away from your critics.
Face them and take control.

One thing I've noticed lately,
is that everyone is fighting what I like to call,
"their own demons".
If someone is rude against you,
really,

truthfully,
is not completely against your persona,
is really something they have to deal with and not you.
If someone is very friendly and

all of a sudden they're distant, no worries,
they might be dealing with things on their own.
You keep doing you, keep being yourself.
The thing is,
as long as your constant,
anyone that stands by you, will know You.

They will know that you're not changed by the surroundings,
basically by people.
If someone wants to be a douche, let them,
keep going your own way.
Point is.
If there are people that are picking fights all the time,
and being rude, they're actually mad at something
they don't want to deal with within themselves.
That's why,
if everyone took time out of their lives to actually love themselves,
their own persona,
to look at themselves and see beauty,
and not be afraid to show it because

others are also being themselves,
the world will be at peace.
No hating,

no jealousy,
because you wouldn't want what the other person has,
because you want to do you, you want to be YOU.
"BE YOURSELF" my friend will always sing to me,
in her creepy high pitch voice, it was funny, but

I took it to heart. It's good advice. Good words.
BE YOURSELF.

Try something new this week.
Out of every and any situation try to take something positive out of it.
No matter if you get called a dickhead.

Let's see, what positive could be taken from "dickhead",
at least I am not headless.
There you go people!
Go enjoy life, disconnect a little from technology too,
even though you're reading this online,
but you get what I mean.
I wouldn't be making all these changes to myself,

if I hadn't stopped from thinking:
"Oh, I think this will be good to post online" or
"let me show people that I'm exciting and do fun stuff".

Basically constantly thinking about people,
to share with people,
but to not actually have a connection with people,
just to blah about your day and what you're doing.
I want to live life. LIVE IT, by being...

yes I think you have it by now, by what?
by being YOURSELF.
There's no other human being like you.
EMBRACE IT.
Good night or good morning gals and girls,
hope this was a good meal.
Bon appétit.
Hope you cook something good out of life!

Some Jazzy music for ya