It can get ugly before it gets beautiful

Have you ever thought,
if only I would focus,
if only I would stop being my own enemy,
if only for once I would fight for myself
if only one damn time, I would say no,
and take care of myself
if only I would be honest to myself, 
as im honest to anyone else
if only I took my own advice
if only I would stop saying:
"if only..."
and did something,
spoke, instead of thinking.

Have you ever thought,
will I ever reach that point when I'll say,
and truthfully mean it...
I have loved "me" 
(letting an involuntary smile form upon your face)
but then again,
...if only...