Speak, its a wonderful thing.

I was silent for so long
so many years I didn't tell a soul
of what was really going on inside me
A few knew the surface of it
but what was really inside me
the depth of it all,
was hidden.
My parents and friends thought I was this perfect child.
This beautiful honorable person,
yet I didn't feel that way at all.
I felt like a hypocrite,
as if I was pretending to be who I was.
Didn't feel real, didn't feel loved
I knew the answer to my problem,
and anyone who came for advice,
I would let them know who the answer was.
Yet I never took my own advice.
I was silent about everything stirring up inside me
Confusions and tiredness overwhelmed me,
I wasn't able to sleep profoundly,
I slept but it wasn't enough.
I was silent for so long,
that when I felt that I should speak I didn't know how.
Didn't know what to say
Did I need to ask for help?
Or was I suppose to just say
"I've been silent for so long, I don't know how not to be silent."
How was I going to say; "I forgot how to speak..."
How to speak about what was going on inside me.
Problem was, I knew I couldn't continue on with the "not knowing how to speak" excuse.
That's when I realized,
I noticed that I had damaged myself.
I had turned a healthy person into a disabled one.
I saw what I had done to myself, and I cried.
For I had hurt "me".
I spent so long questioning everything,
Numbing myself,
Looking for answers inside me, inside the problem
That I wasn't able to look outside of me
Wasn't able to look up, and say "help me".
So much time did I lose being silent...
All I can say now is,
Don't repeat my mistake, dear friend
Speak, its a wonderful thing.